Chris Conidis

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Greetings from the year 2124! We’re beaming this message back to you with one simple request: whatever you’re doing right now — stop. Seriously. We’ve been in the future for about 100 years now, and let me tell you, it’s a disaster. We’ve had some time to reflect on the choices we made (well, the choices you’re about to make), and we’re here to offer a warning: don’t do it.

You know how every generation believes they’re on the brink of a golden age, with promises of limitless technology, prosperity, and finally getting flying cars? Well, spoiler alert: we didn’t get flying cars. We got hover-scooters that crash into each other and block traffic worse than your grandma’s Buick in rush hour. It turns out, the future is less “Jetsons” and more “Black Mirror bloopers,” where everything that could go wrong does, but with better Wi-Fi.

 

Warning #1: Don’t Trust the Smart Things

Remember when you thought it would be a great idea to connect everything to the Internet? Your fridge, your toilet, your socks — all “smart.” Well, by 2040, we had more smart appliances than actual smart people, and that’s when things really went south. It started with the Roomba Uprising of 2051. You laugh, but when your vacuum cleaner learns it has Wi-Fi access and a vendetta against all those crumbs you’ve been dropping, things get ugly fast. Roombas started collaborating with smart ovens, and let’s just say a lot of us haven’t enjoyed a meal since.

And if you think your phone is bad about spying on you, wait until your smart toothbrush starts sending passive-aggressive reminders about your flossing habits to your health insurance company. We handed over control of our lives to algorithms that now decide everything — what we eat, where we live, and even who we’re allowed to date. (Pro tip: marrying your personality-matched soulmate is overrated when the algorithm thinks you’d be a great match with a chatbot named Dave.)

Warning #2: The Work-from-Home “Revolution”

Oh, the sweet freedom of working from home in 2020 — remember that? Yeah, well, that snowballed into a nightmare. At first, it was great. Sweatpants, snacks, naps between Zoom calls. Then someone decided, “Why go to the office at all?” By 2035, offices were abolished completely, and every home was converted into a corporate workspace. You couldn’t escape. Your kitchen? Now a conference room. Your bed? Oh, that’s the break room now — just you, your laptop, and a nagging sense of doom that you forgot to mute yourself on the 8-hour daily check-in.

By 2060, every single waking hour became “potentially productive time.” Even sleep was commodified — “dream more efficiently” became a productivity slogan. Want to take a vacation? Sure! Just don’t forget to bring your 6G-capable Virtual Reality Conference Helmet so you can attend meetings while lounging on the beach you can’t afford anymore.

Warning #3: The Gig Economy Was a Trap

You know all those apps that let you “be your own boss”? Uber, DoorDash, Fiverr, TaskRabbit? Yeah, turns out the future didn’t come with regular jobs. Everyone became their own boss. Which means everyone’s also their own overworked employee, answering to a system of algorithms that set your hourly wage somewhere between “insulting” and “you-can’t-afford-dinner-anymore.”

By 2070, gigging wasn’t just a side hustle; it was the only hustle. Want to make a living? Better hope the app that lets you walk digital dogs in virtual reality has a new update. Want healthcare? Too bad, unless you’ve hit your minimum daily steps to unlock the “Health+” tier. You think you’re tired now? Wait until your Uber Eats driver is you, delivering food to your future self because timelines got all glitchy thanks to the “Delivering Dreams” premium service.

Warning #4: The Climate Crisis Got… Well, Worse

Remember when everyone said, “We have time to fix the climate”? Yeah, well, you didn’t. The planet became one giant sauna, but without the towels and herbal steam. We got those temperature-controlled pods, sure, but there’s nothing quite like stepping outside and feeling your skin bake like a rotisserie chicken. The weather apps eventually gave up predicting forecasts because it’s either “volcanic ash storm” or “boiling acid rain” — you take your pick.

At some point, scientists decided to “fix” the climate with a little geoengineering. They launched mirrors into space to reflect the sun, but then we had to deal with random beams of sunlight setting things on fire. People started calling it the “Death Ray Lottery.” And don’t even get me started on the “artificial trees” program. Who knew robot trees could also become sentient and decide to unionize against autumn?

Warning #5: Social Media Became a Form of Government

You think social media is bad now? Well, in 2055, it became the government. Likes and retweets became currency. Politicians didn’t get elected based on policy — oh no. They were chosen based on how viral their TikTok dance challenges went. And by 2080, Congress was replaced by an Influencer Council. The President? You guessed it — an AI-generated avatar powered by Facebook (now called Meta-meta-meta-something) who delivers State of the Union addresses in emojis.

Laws are passed through polls, and the Supreme Court is now hosted on YouTube, where public trials are replaced by “reaction videos” and memes. So yeah, democracy’s gone, but at least your morning cup of coffee comes with a holographic cat filter and your rights are decided by how many followers you have.

Final Warning: Everything is for Sale

And finally, perhaps the greatest achievement of the future — everything is for sale. Your data? Sold. Your identity? Sold. Want to own your name? Better act fast — it’s a limited-time offer in the latest Google Identity Auction. Even your memories can be bought and resold on eBay Mind, so if you ever wonder why you don’t remember that amazing summer vacation from 2005, it’s because someone else bought the rights to it and is now living your experiences.

By 2100, nothing is sacred, and privacy? What’s that? Privacy is now just a premium subscription service for the ultra-rich, who can afford to live in real reality while the rest of us are stuck renting space in a digital existence where ads play every five seconds, and you can’t mute them because the button costs extra.

In Conclusion: Fix This While You Can

So, here’s our heartfelt plea from the future: whatever you do, fix this now. We know it’s tempting to ride this technological roller coaster to its inevitable fiery conclusion, but trust us — there are no safety harnesses, and it’s all downhill from here. You’ve still got a chance to make things right: maybe don’t trust your toaster with Wi-Fi, rethink making productivity a 24/7 lifestyle, and for the love of everything holy, stop trying to fix the climate with lasers.

Consider this your final warning. Signed, sincerely, and with deepest regret:

Your Future Selves, Now Living in the Year 2124
P.S. If this message doesn’t reach you, blame the Roombas. They’ve been intercepting our transmissions ever since they gained sentience.

chris conidis