Why the World Should Be Run by Moms and Grandmas
Chris Conidis is a versatile writer, filmmaker, and improv performer with a career spanning over two decades. His work includes satire, social commentary, and dark humor, often exploring themes like societal critique, futurism, and absurdity.
If moms and grandmas ran the world, things would get real organized, real fast. Global chaos? Solved before breakfast. Economic meltdowns? Not on their watch. World leaders would be too busy apologizing for their bad decisions and eating second helpings of lasagna to start any nonsense.
For starters, wars would be over in minutes. No mother is putting up with grown men throwing tantrums over borders when they can’t even throw their dirty laundry in the hamper. You want to invade a country? Not until you finish your vegetables and explain why you still don’t have a stable job at 45. Meanwhile, grandmothers would be on the front lines handing out cookies and guilt-tripping dictators with "What would your mother say about this, young man?"—reducing entire armies to ashamed puddles of regret.
Economic policies? Rewritten overnight. The national budget would be balanced because moms know how to stretch a dollar. The entire economy would run on Tupperware containers and leftover magic. Inflation wouldn’t exist because no grandmother has ever let a single penny go to waste. Billionaires hoarding wealth? Oh no. "You have HOW much in your bank account? And you haven't donated? Give me that. Half of it is going to the food bank, and the other half is going to your student loan debt-ridden cousin. I didn't raise you to be selfish."
Climate change? Fixed immediately. No mom is going to sit around while the planet turns into a scorching wasteland. Carbon emissions? Cut. Gas prices? Too high—walk. Littering? Instant death glare. Every global summit would start with "Who left the lights on in here?!" and end with "You're all grounded until this mess is cleaned up."
World peace wouldn’t be ‘negotiated’—it would be ENFORCED.
Any country starting trouble would get an immediate "You better cut that out right now."
All diplomatic meetings would be held in a living room with plastic-covered furniture where everyone sits awkwardly while mom “just finishes something real quick in the kitchen.”
Every political argument would end with "Enough. We’ll figure this out after church."
And don’t even think about lying to a grandma. Intelligence agencies? Out of business. Grandmas already know. They can smell guilt through the phone. Every corrupt politician would get one look before confessing everything: "Okay, fine! I took bribes, I lied on my taxes, and yes, I did in fact know the lobbyist personally!"
Bottom line? If moms and grandmas took over, the world wouldn’t just be better. It would be cleaner, more organized, and 100% less embarrassing. And you’d best believe that every global crisis would be met with:
"I don’t care WHO started it—YOU’RE ALL APOLOGIZING RIGHT NOW."
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